Quick update

So I weighed in today, and I'm now very confident that last week's weigh in was off because of the Wii Fit battery (I really should buy proper scales) but going by the week before that this week I have lost 1.8kg's so yay! Which means I'm sitting at 93.3kgs which is good, I'd like to be at 90 or under by Christmas. Now if the sickness will leave our house for longer than a few moments I'll be able to get into some exercise which will be helpful in getting me there.

We've been good this last week and have not had take away once which is great and has been one of the aims of me being on this journey. Even though I get bonus points I'd prefer to go to a nice restaurant than just get take away, take away food makes me feel much more guilty than a nice meal at a restaurant.

Tomorrow is shopping day, I'll try to take some photos and post again tomorrow so you can see what I have bought, I hope there's good stuff out there for me to buy, will be disappointed if I go out and come home with nothing because it's all crap, wish me luck! :D

x

I'm here, sorry.

Hello lovely folks, sorry it's been a little while. I have been super busy and put blogging on the back burner to focus on that, and of course Christmas is looming and my mind has been on that as well. Have had ups and downs on the weight loss front, my last loss however was quite large, and I'm not sure whether to believe it or not as the Wii Fit batteries were low and so it may have been inaccurate but according to the Wii Fit I lost 3.6kgs last week. I honestly don't see how it's possible, I was sick (again), ate mostly poorly, did no exercise and didn't drink lots of water. So I'm assuming it was an inaccurate reading, I was just lucky or because I was sick (I slept quite a bit), will see what happens this next week.

I mentioned I have been busy, I was asked by a dear friend to bake 100 cupcakes for her son's, girlfriend's 21st birthday, which was the most cupcakes I think I've ever made, which was lots of hard work but so exciting and so much fun. She paid me for them which means I am going clothes shopping, this both excites and terrifies me. I desperately need new clothes, a lot of mine don't fit properly and don't make me feel like I look good. But I also loathe clothes shopping because all the feelings of the extremely overweight girl come flooding back. I really need someone to shop with that knows about clothes and can make me buy the right things and say "get that it looks good even though you don't think it does" or "you idiot that's too big for you, get the next size down". I'm so unsure of what will look good and will fit my new body shape. I'm also reluctant to enter some shops because I worry that the clothes won't fit and I will leave feeling shameful and embarrassed. I'm still not comfortable in my own body, unless I look in the mirror I often still see the old me. But I am lucky because I have changed and there's a lot more out there for me so I'm trying to be more excited. Shopping befor was so soul destroying, there's not much out there for large women on a budget. It's like clothing designers don't give a crap about plus sized ladies and that totally blows. No matter your size you should still be able to find clothes that make you feel good about yourself whether you love your body or not. You shouldn't just be lumped with hideous, outrageous, garish, clingy, polyester garbage that no one actually wants to wear, but have no choice but to wear it because there is nothing else. Someone needs to look at this because it's completely unfair and kind of disrespectful.

So on Saturday I'll be taking my mum and heading for the shops. I feel a little bit guilty spending so much money on myself, but I can't very well go about naked can I? So I just need to DO IT! It will feel nice to have a bit of a treat though and feel good about myself.

Well I'll leave it there and hope to check back in on Friday. I have a dr's appointment on Friday to address my tiredness issues and hope it'st just a matter of low iron and my last blood test showed low Vitamin D too (no wonder with our ridiculously long, cold, dreary winter), so hopefully it's still those matters and I can get on top of those. Wish me luck for shopping, will show you some pics of my purchases.

I'd just like to add a reminder that this is my blog, it's about me and my feelings and thoughts. I write it for me and anyone that is interested in what's going on with me and my weight loss etc :D

Thanks for reading xx

Good news and noxious people

So the good news is I lost 800g, so yay! That takes me down to 94kgs and having lost 31kgs, so that's a big plus. However this brings me to noxious people. A noxious person posted on my previous blog post (I have removed their comments but you can probably gauge the things they said from other comments), this person claims to be my "friend" and all I know about them is that they follow me on Twitter and are unwilling to reveal who they actually are. If they are indeed a friend of mine then they are the reason I wrote that post. Clearly I was right and don't know who my friends are, and now I am suspicious of the people I think are my friends because I don't know who this person is.

I'm not a selfish person, and don't often think of myself, when I wrote that post I was feeling a bit down. I don't feel down very often, and to be honest I keep a lot of things to myself and I think it's sad that when I am feeling down and I say that I am that apparently not all of my friends are there for me. As far as my number of tweets goes, yes I have a lot, I talk to a lot of people. If people tweet me, I respond, I'm not rude and I know how I feel when some of my tweets are left hanging in the breeze so I always try to respond if I have time although sometimes I do forget and they get lost in my feed. I also have indepth conversations with people, particularly if they are feeling down, knowing that someone is there to talk to when you're not in a good place is a good thing. My children aren't neglected, my house is pretty tidy and I tweet inbetween cooking, cleaning, baking, whilst I'm waiting for school pick up and in the evenings when the kids are in bed. My kids are small but they're independant and I am there for whatever they need.

I don't NEED people to respond to my blog posts, but it's nice if they do, this blog is for me and my thoughts and feelings and I really shouldn't have to justify myself to anyone, I'm not doing anything offensive or illegal and I don't need help, I just need friends to be my friends when I need them and when they need me and in the middle have fun and a laugh.

If the noxious person is reading this please remove yourself from my life or let me remove you for myself, you're not someone I need in my life I'm done with noxious people.

The meh feeling

Is still kind of with me, which has led to me feeling self doubt and back to the feeling that I'm just a blip on the radar of life. I guess this is coming as it's almost the end of the year and next year my babies are off to kinder which means the year after they are off to school which will leave me........???? I was hoping to start my own business from home selling baked goods over the internet and maybe at markets but upon getting the information it seems as though as it is going to be impossible as I just don't have the facilities or the space to be able to do it, and unless someone is going to buy me a shop or I win tattslotto (I might have to start buying tickets) my dream of selling my baked goods may never be a reality. Which means I'm back to feeling like this, and feeling like this makes me self doubt a whole bunch of things, like whether my friends that I call my friends are really my friends or do they just pity me? Past hurts contribute to this too and I feel very insecure and worry about doing something that might lose me friends, or I worry that maybe I might call them my friend but maybe they don't call me their friend but I've not done anything wrong so they let me just hang on but secretly hope I bugger off. A lot of the people I know are super smart or really creative and I wonder what exactly I have to offer them?

I know this is all probably a bunch of bull but it's how I'm feeling and as I said feeling like this brings back past hurts from friends AND family who have just dumped me even though I appear to have done nothing wrong, or have I and they just haven't said so? I'm sure if you're reading this you're rolling your eyes, I'm rolling my own eyes because it sounds stupid. But these are things that make me sad, like seeing people talk about their best friend and how great their best friend is and how they talk to their best friend for hours etc. I don't have that, no one has attached that title to me and I don't have anyone to attach that title to, which makes me wonder what is wrong with me that no one has.

This post is hard for me to write and probably idiotic but it keeps going around in my head and I feel I need to get it out. I know it's not my normal kind of post, but if I can get it out of my head perhaps I'll find some clairty with all of this.

Perhaps it's me pulling away from people, not them pulling away from me? Because I've been hurt I keep people at arms length? Not letting them in because I'm tired of being hurt by people? I also don't want to bother peole so sometimes I hold back, but maybe they feel the same way so they hold back from me too? I don't truly know, perhaps I should ponder this? Or perhaps I should just tell myself to stop being an idiot. I don't know what my future holds, I don't know what I will do with myself once all the kids are at school, I wish I could see into the future, then I could put my worries to rest, but I guess I'll just have to wait.

Does anyone else get these feelings or am I just a big stupid weirdo?

Yeeeeeeesssss and meh!

Wooooooooot my first week has gone great, I lost 1.6kgs, yippee! So, so happy with that *does happy dance* but I've also been feeling a bit meh, which is why if you're on social media and you follow me you may have noticed that I've not been about, I've been escaping people for a bit and thinking about myself for a change, which apparently paid off :)

Anyway, bring on week 2 and we'll see how I go.

First few days

Hi All

My first few days are going well, drinking lots of water, not feeling too hungry, eating all my points, haven't used many bonus points, so am doing great. Of course will have to wait and see what weigh in day on Friday brings, I'll do my usual thing of not expecting a loss, I haven't done any concentrated exercise, but I have busied myself in the house.

I'm enjoying looking for new yummy recipes to make and have already planned our meals for the next week (which I usually do anyway), but I'm excited by the new recipes I have found. Have been having big, yummy breakfasts and find that I'm not that hungry by lunch, so I've been having dip, rice crackers and veggie sticks and then having a good family dinner (although tonight I had a KFC popcorn chicken snack box, but it was still in my points, hooray!) This is exactly why I love weight watchers so much, I can still have things like that and it's ok. Of course th stricter you are the easier it is to lose the weight, but it's nice to be a bit relaxed sometimes.

So, I'll be back Friday to let you know how I have or haven't done :D

It has begun

So, I haven't been indecisive, I have actually done what I said I would do, today I signed up to Weight Watchers, I tracked all my meals and I have had lots of water to drink. It'll take some time to get back into the swing of things, but I've made a good start.

I've picked Friday's to be my weigh in day, and I'll be on the look out for new healthy and yummy recipes, I hate getting stuck in a rut with food and eating all the same stuff all the time. So what's the damage you ask? It's not too bad, not as bad as I was expecting, I weighed in at 96kgs, which is still under 100kgs which I'm happy about, not happy that I've put on 4kgs since I last weighed in, but never mind, it will come off again.

Tomorrow is grocery day and I will be arming myself with lots of yummy things for myself to eat for various meals, so I don't get bored and can keep things varied. I've pulled out all my exercise stuff and will get started on that ASAP, slowly though as not to injure my back again. I'll probably start of with pilates, the yoga part on my Wii Fit, and walking on the treadmill, will work up to other things as I feel  my back getting better.

I'm determined to make this my last journey with Weight Watchers, hopefully this will get me to my goal and have me feeling great and get me to the point where I'll be able to just maintain, fingers crossed anyway. At least if I feel myself losing control again, Weight Watchers will always be there for me to fall back on, I'm hoping to not need it though. I'm hoping that I won't fall into a hole again and totally lose my mojo, my back being so sore didn't help, hopefully that won't occur again, fingers and toes crossed.

So, that is where I'm at on day 1.

I am the Queen of indecisiveness

Hello! So I thought I'd better blog again because true to form I have changed my mind about things. I have decided to once again join Weight Watchers. I'm hoping that this will help me find my mojo again and make me feel much happier, I was happier when I was actively losing weight and I want to feel that feeling again. I'm signing up again tomorrow and I am not looking forward to weighing in, but I know I have to. But I'm sick of being stuck in this rut, it's time to get out and hopefully by Christmas time I will be back into the swing of things and looking and feeling FINE. I need to do things for myself again, I'm starting to not like myself again and it's time to change this. I think I will go back to the little rewards as I hit each goal, that helped my motivation and made me feel good.

I know some people think I should be happy with how I am, but I'm not and it's time to change. I hope that once again you'll all support me and help me along on this second half of my journey, fingers crossed this will be all it takes for me to get to my goal and be happy with ME.

So tomorrow we get started, wish me luck :D

Good news!

I'm back and I bring good news about my back. After my last visit to the Chiropractor I was basically in the same amount of pain I was when I first walked in there, which is NOT a good thing seeing as I had been lots of times and had to pay $60 for about 5 mins of "treatment". So I decided to go and see a lovely man who is housemates with a friend of mine and is a masseur and OMG BEST DECISION EVER. I am seriously considering becoming a man and marrying him because he made my back SOOOOOOOOO much better and it has been that way for weeks now. The Chiro made it feel better sometimes but it was never as long lasting as this. I am bend down, roll over in bed, put the girls seat belts on etc, all WITHOUT gasping in pain. I still get a little bit of pain, but I'm hoping that will ease with more massages, I've only had one so far which is amazing and I can't wait until I have more. I even got on the treadmill which I haven't been able to do for sooooooooo long. So this has me excited and will hopefully help me to get back on track in the not too distant future.

For now here is the most current picture of me that I took today :D

Hoping to have more good news next time :D

*sigh*

Hello Folks,

It's been a while huh? Sorry about that. I have come to the conclusion that I am stuck in a rut and am unsure about what to do about it. I am the Queen of indecisiveness (which I know drives my husband insane), and I do get myself into a pickle with not knowing what to do with myself. I am so not where I want to be and I just don't know how to get myself there. My back still hurts which doesn't help, but I have just been given exercises to start doing which does make me feel a bit better about things, not being able to exercise at all hasn't helped where I am. I decided against doing Weight Watchers again (see indecisive) because I felt too guilty about spending the money on myself (this is what I do) especially seeing as I really do know what to do, I just have to make myself do it. I'm struggling to find my motivation, especially the motivation to walk, walking is soooooooo boring, bring on the warmer weather when I can take the kids out walking and to the playground.

So here I sit, not knowing how much I weigh because I'm too scared to get on the scales to see how much I actually weigh (I don't think I have put on a lot, but I doubt I have lost any) and in a pickle about what to do and how to get my motivation back and how to get my back to stop hurting (I'm pretty sure I just have to keep going to my chiro) and get myself to where I want to be. I'm so frustrated I can't even begin to tell you how much and also disappointed, so very disappointed, if only I could just wave a magic wand *sigh*

So hopefully I will figure all of this stuff out and can get myself to my goal. Am looking forward to warmer weather because warmer weather means salads and I do love a good salad, and don't you dare say " You don't make friends with salad" or else I will come over there and beat you with a big stick.

Here I am again

I'm back, sorry, sorry, sorry. My how things have happened, I finally got my back seen to because I was in lots of pain all the time so I thought I should do something about it. Anyway I found out I have not one but two bulging discs in my back :( so it was no wonder really. My dr referred me to a Chiropractor which I have been seeing for a couple of weeks now, and oh my I love her so. It's feeling much better, although not at the moment because I was naughty and cleaned the shower and vacuumed the floor the other day, but things need to be done, but still, I shouldn't have because I hurt myself :( so, lesson learnt. Unfortunately with my back like this it means no running :( and no other form of exercise apart from walking :( So with this in mind I have decided that I will join Weight Watchers again, for a tighter reign on my eating seeing as I can't do any vigorous exercise to burn calories. I've put on a couple of kgs which I'm fine with seeing as I can't exercise as I want/need to and have been lazy with my eating, hence re-joining WW. I've also been sick with quite a terrible cold and have therefore been taking it more easy than usual, so I'm hoping that will sod off soon so I can start feeling better. We are off on holiday soon, to Sydney for a bit over a week and 3 days in QLD (I'm hoping it will be nice and sunny so I can defrost, catch some sun, thus making me feel better).

I'd like to now address an issue that quite upset me. Someone commented on one of my blog posts (I removed it) saying that I was "incredibly ugly", fair enough that people don't find me attractive, not everyone has the same taste, but to actually tell me was unwarranted and very nasty. I'm not a model and I'm not asking for critique, you're entitled to your opinion of course but please consider people's feelings before posting such comments, clearly this person did not, and I doubt that they were someone that loves and supports me and my journey, so poo to them.

So this is where I am at, not where I want to be of course but I'll have to lump it until I am able to move forward. If you read this, thank you for reading :D

My Purpose.....

what is it? I've been pondering this on and off and this is an on time and I still haven't got the answer. A lot of people I know do wonderful things, exciting things, important things, interesting things, and then there's me, who doesn't really do anything. I sometimes feel like I'm just a blob, just a blip in the world. I know I'm a daughter, a wife, a mother and a friend and those are important things but should I be more than that? And what makes these wonderful, exciting, important and interesting (and really smart) people want to be my friends?

I guess I'm feeling in limbo, there's not much I can do with 2 little ones still at home, but I'm feeling a little stuck. Same with my weight loss, that's in limbo too, I keep getting sick and working out and being sick don't really go well together unfortunately. I know I'll get back into it but I hate feeling helpless and being idle. I'm trying, but I can try much harder, which I will try to do once I'm better.

Gah! I don't know why I'm making this post, I guess it's better out than in, to help me get some clarity? I just feel at such a stand still, not going forward, not going backward, just still. I have grand plans for my future but will they always just be grand plans? I have no idea how to really do anything, I can be me, that's it, but I don't think I'll ever be satisfied just being me, I feel like it's not enough. But I'm worried that if I do try and put my grand plans into action that I'll fail at them and be back where I am now, and I don't know which would be worse, trying and failing or never trying at all. And what if I can never afford to do what I want to do, what then?

Blah, I guess I'll ponder some more and see what I can come up with. If I figure it out, I'll let you know. If you've read this, thank you, you need not respond, I think this is more a post for me than it is for you :-D

Time for some photos

Hi All

You want to see photos right? Because I'm going to put some, so I hope you do.

Before hair

After hair

Comparison June 2010/March 2012

New Clothes

Wearing the beanie

Ok, so there you have them, and I'm glad to see that seeing as I haven't been working as hard as I was going to that I haven't stacked on the weight, only a little bit, but still I know I have to work harder. I have come to realise now that I have started this journey, this will just be a way of life, sometimes I'll work harder at all of this sometimes I won't. Sometimes I'll gain weight, sometimes I'll lost it, sometimes I'll stay the same. It's just my way of life now, sometimes it's easier, sometimes it's not, but that's just life in a nut shell isn't it?

Such a bad blogger

*Peeks head in* Hi Folks, I know, I know, I was going to try and blog more, but I seem to have blogged LESS :( Sorry about that. Sometimes life just gets in the way. And I'll be honest with you, the person that commented saying that my blog appeared to be a pro anorexic blog really hit me for a six. There's no way I am pro anorexic, my blog is simply about me and my journey and I have no plans to be anorexic and nor would I recommend being anorexic to anyone. I'm also not telling anyone that they need to or have to lose weight, if you want or need to then that's your decision and up to you. If my journey can help you and inspire you then that's awesome but weight loss is such a personal journey and a decision one must make for themselves, if your head isn't in the game and you're not in the right place then there's no point in beginning the journey. I reached that point and decided enough was enough.

Aaaaannnnnyway. Moving, things have been super busy with lots of birthday's in February and I'll admit I have gained back a few kgs which I have hopefully started losing since the beginning of March. I've been eating pretty well and now that I'm well (at the end of all the birthdays I got sick from being so busy) I have been exercising. I was going to begin the C25K again, but I was scared of failure, getting busy or getting sick and not being able to finish AGAIN. So I made up my mind to do it on my own steam (yes, this is becoming a habit) and I'm currently running 1km and trying to beat my time each time, and so far I have improved. I started running it at 9 mins, got it down to 8 mins 40 secs and just today beat that again and did it in 8 mins 25 secs. My aim is to build up 1km at a time eventually getting to 5km. I've also been doing situps, tricep dips and a few push ups. Still need to get heavier weights, but am also considering kettle bells. I've also ordered a work out DVD and am looking forward to getting that. I've also tried to mix things up a bit and sometimes pull out the Wii Fit and do some cardio workouts on that.

I've been watching what I've been eating as I said, but if I've had something a little bit naughty I have tried to balance it out. However yesterday we went out and I just let go, it was nice to not think about it for a day. I'll also do that on my birthday on the weekend and then I'll be back into it. I'd prefer to do that on the odd occasion and try to eat mostly healthy all the rest of the time.

So that's where I am currently at, I've set my bar really high of being at goal by Christmas, I don't think it will take me that long, but just in case it can't hurt to have it that far away :D

Will TRY not to be so naughty with my blogging, note I said TRY ;)

Game On

So the game has begun, I ate really well yesterday (Monday), I didn't have focussed exercise but I did a fair bit of walking, so I'm happy with that. Yesterday for breakfast I had a piece of wholemeal toast with a poached egg, and on the side some baby spinach, a piece of bacon and some avocado. There was no need for lunch, I was so full from breakfast, but in the afternoon I had a handful of the snack mix I made the other day. For dinner I had a big yummy salad:

In my salad was baby spinach leaves, red capsicum, mini roma tomatoes, cucumber, beetroot and a pulled apart moroccan lamb patty. I would have used no fat greek yoghurt but I didn't have any so I used some weight watchers sour cream, watered it down to make it more of a pouring consistency (I didn't want to add calories by using milk) and added in some moroccan seasoning. It was DELICIOUS. I love, love, love salads, they are so very versatile which is so awesome.

Today (Tuesday) I had a bowl of Sanitarium Light 'n' Tasty, Macadamia and Honey, this cereal is my absolute favourite, so yummy and a piece of toast with vegemite. For lunch I decided to make a dipping plate:

I made some beetroot dip:

Beetroot Dip 

Women's Weekly, Super Light Cooking Book

Makes 2 1/2 cups

Nutritional count per tbsp

Total fat 0.8g

Calories 18

Carbs 1.9

Protein 0.5

Fibre 0.6

Blend or process 850g can of drained beetroot, 1 quartered garlic cove, 1/4 cup sour cream, 1 tbsp tahini and 1 tbsp lemon juice until smooth.

Super easy and it was soooooooo yummy.

On Sunday night, yes I'm back tracking days, sorry. I wanted something really light for dinner, looked in the cupboard and found I still had some rice paper, so I made some delicious rice paper rolls:

Once you have the rice paper, you can pretty much put whatever you like in them, I put chicken, cucumber, carrot, beetroot and avocado in mine, and it was awesome, I wanted to make more and just keep eating them. They're a little bit fiddly but SOOOOOOO worth it. Here's a base recipe for you: http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/25427/coconut+chicken+rice+paper+rolls but you can honestly change it and put whatever you like.

Back to today (Tuesday) I have sausages out and I'm thinking I will BBQ them (if I can be bothered) and I think I'll make a sweet potato salad, a herbed mushroom salad and probably a green salad to have with it.

I've gotten some exercise in today, and burned 282 calories, not great, but it's a start, I've got some fitness to build up again. I did 2 YouTube workouts, look up Spark People and POP Pilates and also did 5 minutes of running on the treadmill.

Water is going well and I'm into my second litre today and I just had an afternoon snack of a banana and some of my snack mix. So, so far so good.

Food Glorious Food

So I thought if I remember and have a yummy recipe to share with you that I would blog about it, so here I am, I even have photos for you too.

We had a really yummy weight watchers recipe for dinner last night, and it's definitely worth sharing. So here it is:

Pasta with bacon, tomato and sour cream sauce

Weight Watchers Pro Points: 9

Serves: 6 

Prep time: 15 mins

Cooking time: 25 mins

2 tsp Olive Oil

125g weight watchers bacon, chopped

1 medium brown onion, chopped

2 x 400g cans diced tomatoes

2 tbsp herb and garlic tomato paste

500g linguine

1/2 cup weight watchers sour cream

2 tbsp chopped, fresh flat-leaf parsley

1. Heat olive oil in a large frying pan over medium-high heat. Add bacon and onion and cook, stirring, for 5 minutes, or until bacon is crisp. Add tomatoes and tomato paste and bring to the boil, then reduce heat and simmer, covered for 20 minutes. Add a little water if the sauce is too thick. Season to taste with salt and freshly ground pepper.

2. Meanwhile, cook pasta in a large saucepan of boiling salted water following packet instructions, or until just tender. Drain and return to pan. Add tomato sauce to pasta, tossing to combine. Divide pasta among serving bowls. Top with a dollop of sour cream and serve sprinkled with chopped fresh parsley.

I also sprinkled with a little parmesan cheese which made it extra yummy.

Something else I made myself and I just made it up so don't have quantities, but you can put in what you like and as much as you like, is a snack mix. Something I can just grab a handful of to snack on if I'm hungry and don't want anything else. I took some unroasted, unsalted nuts and added then to a roasting pan with popcorn I popped in a bag in the microwave and some mini pretzels. I sprayed it with cooking spray, sprinkled with a little salt and a little sugar, stirred it through and put it in the oven, I let it roast until everything was golden and then took it out to cool. Once it was cooled, I popped it into a storage container and then I added sultanas, dried cranberries, pepitas and chopped dried apricots.

Delicious and easy :D

Well I'll Be

I weighed in today, expecting a gain, a big one too because I've been VERY relaxed on these "holidays" but I was actually DOWN 700g, so YAY! So I'm currently on 89.3kgs, the lowest I've been is 88.something kgs, so hopefully I will be below that soon. That means I only have 19.3kgs to go until I get to goal and a total loss of 35.7kgs. I've decided to take the rest of the weekend off and start off fresh on Monday.

I got my heart rate monitor today:

Looking forward to putting it on and seeing how many calories I can burn. I'm hoping to get myself into a routine with exercise and hopefully it will run smoothly. Of course I do have 3 small children and will have school runs to be doing again soon and have a household to run etc, but it definitely can and will be done. To have lost weight in this weigh in was a HUGE boost, knowing that I CAN do this on my own especially seeing as I haven't even been trying, looking forward to seeing what I can do on my own when I'm REALLY trying :D :D

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm going to try and blog more, especially if you're interested in how I'm going and wish to join me in the end of my journey.

I'm definitely ready for this.

Getting my tools together

Yes, you read correctly. I have actually been doing what I said and been getting my tools together to get cracking on my own. I have bought a heart rate monitor AND I have bought new shoes, these are the main tools I needed to get going and as I go along I will add more tools, ie.heavier weights, workout DVDs, maybe some boxing gear etc. I'm also going to buy an electric steamer and be more strict with weekly meal planning. I've bought myself some snacky things in this shop that I can just graze on if I don't really feel like eating, I find I'm not usually hungry at lunch time, so stuff I can graze on will help with that I think.

My plan with eating is going to be trying to have my heavier type carbs earlier in the day and try to avoid them in my evening meal, I've swapped having potatoes to instead having pumpkin or sweet potato. I think I will also buy myself a swanky looking water bottle too, at the moment I'm just using a disposable one and refilling it.

I've been on a bit of a holiday whilst my husband has been off work, and haven't been exercising or eating that well, but I've tried to compensate here and there, but we've been out lots and been having fun together, which has been the most important thing, if I have put weight on it won't be there for long, back into it hardcore as of next week.

Next Wednesday I'm going to a pump class taught by a lovely, lovely friend of mine, she assures me I won't die, we shall see ;) I think it's time for some photos? It's been a little while.

Original picture size 24, 125kgs

Original picture size 24, 125kgs

Current Pic size 14-16, 90kgs

Current Pic size 14-16, 90kgs

Before Hair

After Hair

Christmas Dress

Really starting to like my face

See..

One more for good measure

Flash new shoes

So that's where I am currently at, I should get my heart rate monitor next week and then look out, I'll be gunning it. This year is MY year, I will get to my goal and I will run a fun run or 2, my first one will probably be the Mother's Day Classic :D LET'S DO THIS!!!

Changed my mind

Yes, I have changed my mind. I was pondering my doings for this year and decided to change my way of doing things. I WAS going to do 12WBT but then I thought about how satisfying it would be to complete my journey on my own. I know what I have to do, I just have to provide myself the tools and pull my finger out. Doing the 12WBT would make me pull my finger out, but who says I can't do it myself? I have the determination, I will have the tools, I'm getting my motivation back, why should I pay all that money out for that? I am going to use that money I would have spent joining on setting myself up to go it alone. I'm going to get new running shoes, a heart rate monitor, some heavier weights and maybe a couple of workout DVDs and I'm bloody well JUST GOING TO DO IT!

I mean I have to do it alone at some point right? I can't just keep doing these things to help me get to my goal, I have to learn how to stand on my own two feet eventually. I have to keep putting into practice everything I have learnt and will probably continue to learn if I seek it out (which I will). I will get to my goal, I will maintain and I will become lean, fit and strong and I will do it alone.

I know I have to try harder, harder with my eating, harder with my exercise, and I WILL. I hate that I have changed my mind, I am a big mind changer from right back, but I feel this is the right thing to do, I CAN and WILL do this, using all the tools at my disposal. Wish me luck :D