R U OK DAY

September 15th is R U OK DAY. Take the time if you don't usually to ask someone  R U OK. It’s a national day of action which aims to prevent suicide by encouraging Australians to connect with someone they care about and help stop little problems turning into big ones. You can find out more at www.ruokday.com.au

Insecurities.....

We all have them, some a few, some many and about all sorts of things. I have a few my main one, besides the vain ones is losing friends. No matter how much I weigh, or how I look this will always be an insecurity. I'm a nice person, people often say too nice. I don't think I'm too nice, I'm just me, I can't turn it off. Well I guess I could if I really, really tried hard, but it's me and it would mean changing who I am. I do reign myself in sometimes when I feel I going a bit overboard, I've had people use my niceness to THEIR advantage and then toss me aside when they feel I no longer have a purpose, however I've also lost people by scaring them off by being nice, seems sometimes I cannot find that happy medium. I hope someone knows what I'm talking about, I don't want to sound like a complete nut. I find it hard to get past that an unanswered text/e-mail/facebook messgae etc doesn't mean that I've said something I shouldn't have or been OTT or maybe they've just stopped liking me. I search through what I may have said etc and I tell myself that they're probably just busy or they forgot etc but my brain never goes there first. Something I definitely need to work on, I don't think I'm currently friends with anyone who would just drop me like a hot potato, but that insecurity is back there still and honestly it probably always will be but I think I can train my brain to possibly not to go the extreme first and think that maybe they just might be busy and or they forgot :D

1.3kg loss, wooooooohoooooo

Eureka! Finally a big loss, AND I did it all on my lonesome. I decided to do a final weekly weigh in, I might weigh in and take my measurements once a month. Was very happy to see such a big loss with no WW tracking to hold my hand, and that is just the best feeling. Of course I did use WW methods that are instilled in my brain, but that's what I was hoping to do, so wooooooooooooooooot. So my weight is currently sitting at 92.8kgs with a total loss of 32.2kgs, hoping I can continue on the downwards trend and get to under 90kgs in a couple of weeks.

Today I completed week 5 day 3 of the C25K, this being the second time I've done day 3 and it was hard, but it was much easier than when I did it the first time, so yay! Am looking to maybe add some kind of other exercise into the mix, perhaps some boxing? I'd love some personal training, but it's quite expensive, maybe I might look at that once I get to goal if I still need some toning?

But this has been a really good week, I hope I can keep it up, I am determined, but we all know that it can go downhill very quickly. Will see what this next week has to bring :D

Liebster Blog Award

Oh wow, Jane over at http://effiegetskinny.blogspot.com/ gave me my first ever blog award called the Liebster Award.

The idea behind this award is to recognise and share blogs with less than 200 followers. What you have to do is :

• Post the Award on your blog
• Choose 5 other blogs to pass on the award
• Leave each of those (5) blogs a comment 

I've given my awards to people that I love and have been inspired by in one way or another.

1. http://benpobjie.blogspot.com/ This blog belongs to my husband, who is ridiculously funny and also brave in his battle with depression. He has a quick wit and his writing oozes satire and occasional sarcasm.
2. http://www.projectseb.com/ This blog belongs to my gorgeous friend Seb. Seb is a beautiful man who sadly is also battling depression. His blog is so incredibly brave and never fails to either make me laugh or make me cry.
3. http://a-warped-view.blogspot.com/ This is my darling friend Tif's blog. I adore Tif with all my heart, she's like my sister. Tif's blog is varying in post topics from films, to her puppy, to her struggle with depression, to her gorgeous family. A wonderful blog belonging to a wonderful and strong woman.
4. http://jessisfound.blogspot.com/ This blog belongs to Jess and I found her through the Weight Watchers forum. I've loved following her blog as I've been on the same journey as her. It's awesome to see the triumps and struggles that someone else has had that you can so eaily relate to it's what keeps you going.
5. http://eatingeveryday.wordpress.com/ The final blog belongs to another gorgeous friend of mine, Keri who is newly married and just returned today from her honeymoon. Keri has of course been posting about her wedding preparations but she's also on a weight loss journey like me and is a bit of a foodie so has lots of yummy recipes to drool over.

If I could return the award to Jane I would because I love reading her blog and am proud of her and her journey, thank you for giving me this award Jane *hugs* you are one super and supportive lady xxx

Dusting myself off

So have a good think about things and look at things and listening to what friends have had to say about my situation I know that I have been a bit of an idiot, and dropped my bundle unnecessarily. When things bombard you and end up landing right on top of you it's hard to see a way out and see the good things. So yesterday I took my measurements and they helped to accentuate the positives (which granted I should have done before deciding to be said idiot), so positives being, in the last 3 weeks I lost 4cms off my waist, 1cm off my hips, 1 cm off my arms and 4.5cms off my thighs. So clearly I have to stop weighing in and just go by measurements, which leads into my next news that I'm going to stop doing weight watchers. I'm still going to be signed up so I know it's there to fall back on, but I'm going to just concerntrate on eating healthy only when I'm hungry, drinking my water and exercise. I think the weighing in each week is starting to do my head in, especially now I'm exercising and building muscle, not seeing the weight come off is starting to be damaging and I can't do it anymore. I'll weigh in every now and then just to see how I'm going, but not weekly. Fingers crossed this works and stops me from stupidity and dragging me down into terrible funks, I don't like feeling that way, and I don't want to do it anymore.

So that's where I'm at, let's see how this goes.

Failing and lost

This sums up exactly how I feel right now. I feel that I'm failing at everything and succeeding at nothing. I'm lost (and mostly failing) at being a wife trying to support a husband with severe depression, being a mother, being a friend, being a daughter, weight loss(massive gain this week 1.6kgs). And when you strip away those things, I have nothing and am nothing so what is my purpose in life? If all those things are my purpose then how come I am failing at them? What happened to me? I feel like me is completely lost and I don't know where to find her and how to combine everything to make her and everyone else happy. That's all I want, for everyone to be happy, because I love them with all of my heart, my husband, my children, my mum and my friends. And me, I want to be happy too. I hate who I have become right now and it happened very quickly, like a lift failing and falling into a pit of sadness and failure. I'm feeling like everywhere I turn I see failure and I should just stamp it on my forehead and crawl into a hole *sigh*. I need to do some soul searching I think, where to start I don't know, and i'll feel guilty for it because I hate being selfish and thinking of myself.

Sorry everyone, clearly not out of my funk and having a pity party, i'll bring the dip :(

Back into it

Yes, you read correctly I have pulled my socks up and gotten back into it, had the best weekend with gorgeous friends and I'm ready to kick my own butt again and get into it. I will expect a gain tomorrow, because I would be stupid not to really. The situps, pushups and squats gave me a good workout on Tuesday, my muscles are still sore today which isn't good because I've got to do them again today and I just mamanged to do my C25K run yesterday because my legs were dead, lol. But I shall press on and hope that I don't further injure myself and hopefully look forward to a loss next week.

And hooray! it's spring and thankfully the weather has been nice so we've been able to walk to school in the afternoon to collect my son which is lovely so I get a little more exercise in my day which is great. Will try to blog me weigh in tomorrow if I get a chance :)