On the way to a better me

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Today I write a different post

I write a different post today in reponse to a brave and wonderful post that my husband made on his blog today http://benpobjie.blogspot.com/ . The response he has received is AMAZING and I feel the need to thank everyone for their support of US. This is OUR journey as much as it is his, he is a part of me and we are in this together, even though I know he often feels alone. Not only has Ben's support been amazing but it has also been extended to me and for that I am grateful, so greatful, it's awesome to know that there are so many others supporting Ben and I'm not the only one that he can rely on, there are so many more of you and it's awesome. I have had such lovely messages and I kind of feel like a fraud, I haven't done anything amazing or special, all I have been is a woman that loves her husband and truly wants him to know that he is worthy of my love and that I want him to stick around. We NEED him, not for money or whatever his brain tells him, but because we love him and our world would stop turning without him in it. And I can't explain to him in words just what he means to me, and maybe because that's because there are no words to explain it. But we've been married for almost 12 years so clearly I'm in it for the long haul :)

I can't tell you how proud of him I am that he made this post, and I have known basically ever since I met him that he suffered from depression and that he should do something about it, and I can't say that I'm glad that he hit rock bottom, I would never want that for anyone, but it needed to happen, he needed that scare obviously to realise that there was a problem. I urge everyone to get help it you need it YOU ARE WORTHY OF HELP. Reach out to people that will help you, whether it be in a blog post, on twitter, to your friends, to your family, do it, don't let it get so bad that you would do something terrible to yourself. I'll be honest it's not an easy road, but it's a necessary road. It's been hell watching Ben go through hell, and at times it has nearly broken me but I can't let it, I just can't. I refuse to let it ruin me, I have to be strong for him and I have to be strong for my children. And I can't tell you how happy it made me to read that he's going to fight back, he has to fight, he has no choice, I won't let him give up.

And I say this to him, YOU ARE LOVED. I knew I loved you the first time we ever spoke on the phone. Our children LOVE you, the response you get when you get home in the morning is so beautiful to see. Your family LOVES you, don't ever make me have to let them know that you're not here anymore. Your friends LOVE you because you are you. The response you had to your post is INCREDIBLE and you needed to see that you don't always have to be ON, you're allowed to fall down and your friends will always pick you up like they have today.

And I say this to all of you that read this, my blog followers and mine and Ben's followers (I hope this reaches you) on twitter, thank you, thank you, thank you.


  1. You're awesome, Bec. I don't know if I'd have such strength in the same situation. xx

  2. I nearly cried when I read Ben's blog, but now yours has brought on the waterworks Bec.

    My husband left me because he couldn't cope with my problems, so similar to those Ben writes about. He is a very lucky man to have such a strong and supportive partner by his side. I wish I had.

  3. So, you're going to make sure he reads your post whenever the doubts get too loud in his head, right?

    Cos that's the best therapy I've seen in a long time.

  4. Good post and admirable sentiment. You're fortunate to have each other. Sending positive vibes to both of you.

  5. Bec, I trust that someone is advocating for you as you're advocating for Ben. My kids dad suffers manic depression, so we're now living separately, although we have dinner every night and share plenty of family time with our kids. I had to get space, as it was consuming me too. He knows I have his back...

    Wishing you both all the best.

  6. Hi Bec.
    I know you think that you haven't done anything special. To love, and to be loved, unconditionally, is special.
    Not giving up on him, not letting it consume you, constantly fighting for him, even though it doesn't seem you're getting anywhere, is special.
    I know what it's like to be in your shoes. I have a mum with bipolar and a husband-to-be who has battled anxiety depression.
    It's not easy. But continuing to be that rock for your family, is amazing :)

  7. Oh Bec! That's the most beautiful expression of love I've read in a very long long. I'm so sorry for what Ben is going through right now, and have no words. Thinking of you both and wishing you all the best on this particular road. x

  8. Bec, both yours and Ben's posts have made me cry with empathy and sympathy. Bravo to Ben for writing such a brave, beautiful and heartfelt post and to you for supporting him through his times of darkness. I wish you and your family all the best xx

  9. When I was coming out of depression I realised that people are like angels - miraculously, unexpectedly, somehow there to help me pick myself up. From small comment from strangers to the full on support of family and best friends, they all made a difference. Thank you!

  10. I too, have great admiration for you, and understand what you are going through. Unconditional love is a powerful thing, and to those who think "I oculdn't do it if I were in your shoes" trust me, you would and you would be amazed at the depths of strength you have simply from loving someone this way.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and Ben, as I know what you are currently going through. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, as I am here as proof of that. Unfortunately my husband isn't, but he is just one casualty of this horrible thing called mental illness of which so many sufferers blame themselves and don't seek help, as it has been marginalised in our health system and stigamatised for such a long time.

    I am hopeful that this has started to turn around, especially when I read blogs like Ben's and yours. When I (We) were going through it more than 10 years ago, I was actively told to not speak about it, discouraged from sharing my feelings.

    Much respect and love to you both

  11. I only know you both thanks to Ben's writing on The Drum and now Twitter but, not to sound like the stalker I am, I can tell what warm and lovely people you are. You also seem like tough cookies and a good team so I know you'll get through it.

    We're all thinking of you and I'm so grateful that you've both been so honest about what you're going through. It's a wake up call for me too.

  12. Hi Bec, I just want to say I really support you guys in the spirit of what you do to help yourselves, and in so doing help/encourage others. I must say I thought about Ben, and you a lot, especially after reading this last blog entry from Ben, which moved me and resonated with me- realising he was saying out there in the blogdom/twitter-verse that he was going down, but knowing that he wasn't hiding it,was kind of reassuring- in that he wasn't going to do it alone. I believe somehow this openness does help to deal with dark depth of depression- it's the 'bogey-man' which always lurks in the background and we need to pull 'him' out and give him the beating he deserves. Wishing the best of everything for you guys.

  13. Thank you everyone for all your responses, the support we have had has been truly amazing.

    Natasha, if you read this, I am so incredibly sorry that your husband couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, much, much love and respect to you.

  14. Bec, I sent Ben an email only an hour ago... came here to look for an email address for you and found your post instead. Reckon that means something. So forget the email, I'll write it here instead.

    Ben's words have flipped my world upside-down and I'm still dealing with that (in a good way, mind you) but your unswerving support and unconditional love for Ben are just as mind-blowing, just as phenomenal, just as incredible. That you don't feel you've "done anything amazing or special" is simply further proof of just how amazing and special you are... you both are.

    The fact that I only know both of you through Twitter makes this kind of sharing, this level of trust, even more incredible.

    Thank you both... Tom

  15. Bec you are such a beautiful person in so many ways. I am sending hope and strength to you and your family. You always take the time to help people with your kind words and support and to hear that you and your family have so much going on yet you still offer that support makes it even more valuable. I know you will get through this and we are right behind you if you ever need anything.

  16. Bec,
    I found your and Ben's posts through twitter. My husband also struggles with depression, and had a major breakdown about 18 months ago. I know how hard it can be. You are amazing! Don't forget to look after yourself too!
    Thank you both for these extraordinary posts. I wish you both all the best.

  17. We've never met, but if you ever need to talk don't hesitate to reach out. You need support too and know that you have it. You and Ben are so amazingly lucky to have each other. Good luck on your journey x

  18. I couldn't say it any better than Zoe has said it above. I just reiterate her comments and highlight this point she makes;-

    "I know you think that you haven't done anything special. To love, and to be loved, unconditionally, is special."

    It's your heart, compassion and real humanity that makes you special Bec.

  19. Thank you everyone so much :D