Such a bad blogger

*Slinks back in*, well hello, hello??? Is anyone still out there reading? I know, I know, I am a terrible blogger. If you're still interested to read I am still plodding along, I've been naughty and not weighed in the last couple or weeks, again, I know, I know. But I HAVE been exercising, but this has been on and off, yes ok, shut up I KNOW! But you know bad stuff happens and it makes you feel like crap and you don't feel like doing anything like that.

But I always set out with the best intentions and I keep trying and that's the main thing right? RIGHT???? So anyway, when I kicked off my exercising again I had an epiphany on the treadmill, which may not be the right place to have a epiphany because you kind of have to be on the ball when you're on the treadmill, but I'm a rebel and I had one anyway. So my epiphany was: I am in charge of me, no one is running my show and I should do what I feel like. No one is making me exercise, I am my own (terrible) personal trainer. I don't have to set anything in stone, I don't have to have a set regime, I need to do what suits me on the day with the free time that I have. GENIUS! This made me feel so much better about exercising.

So now that I have figured that out, now I have to figure out how to get myself to drink all the water I should be drinking every day. Why is drinking water so hard?? It shouldn't be right? I'm terrible at keeping hydrated and I need to get better with that, maybe I should go to the pool in the hopes I'll have en epiphany about it if I'm submerged in water?, seeing as I had my exercise epiphany on the treadmill.

Have been thinking I should maybe set a goal weight goal again? I'm not sure. Maybe by my birthday next year? This is ample time really? Might help me pull my finger out? I wish someone would offer me a million dollars or something to sweeten the deal a little bit, anyone got a million dollars?

Anyway, I haven't given up hope, I'm still plodding along :D and I always have my before picture to keep me motivated ;)

Comparison Shots

Here are some comparison shots for you, 124kgs and now...

Oh man....

It has been so long, oopsies. I have still been plodding along, Christmas was great and we went away to Sydney to spend it with family. My plan for our holiday was to be good and to make sure I went for walks, but as per usual when you go on holiday all of that went right out of the window and it became "meh I'm on holiday". Am I the only one that does this? Gosh I hope not, and why is it that we do this? The good thing about my in-law's house has stairs and I had to go up and down them a lot to deal with the children, so it's not like I didn't get any. Anyway, we are back home now and I'm slowly getting back into a routine with my eating etc, once I hit my stride it will be fab. However I'm still scared to weigh in so I might wait until next Friday so I've had a few more days of eating properly.

I have decided also to get back into running now that my back isn't so sore, I've got the ease into 5k app for my iphone and Monday I will be hitting the treadmill. My girls are starting kinder and then I will be getting into more exercise as I will no longer be asked 200 questions whilst I'm trying to concerntrate on what I am doing, if anyone else has small kids and have tried to exercise with them around, you'll know it's almost impossible, and there's no way in hell I'm getting up at 5am or some other stupid time to exercise before they get up, I like my bed too much for that.

As I said in my last post I was going to go shopping the next day, and shop I did, I got heaps of things and here are some photos of some of the things I got.

I still have more things that I haven't yet taken pictures of but I will get around to it. It's a new year and it's time for new things. This year I will get to my goal, and my family and I have set goals too, we are going to have more fun and take more time out together, we are going to go away more and bascially enjoy life, last year there were some struggles and we hope with these goals in place maybe we can make things easier on ourselves. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and I hope you all have the most awesome 2013 xxxxx

Quick update

So I weighed in today, and I'm now very confident that last week's weigh in was off because of the Wii Fit battery (I really should buy proper scales) but going by the week before that this week I have lost 1.8kg's so yay! Which means I'm sitting at 93.3kgs which is good, I'd like to be at 90 or under by Christmas. Now if the sickness will leave our house for longer than a few moments I'll be able to get into some exercise which will be helpful in getting me there.

We've been good this last week and have not had take away once which is great and has been one of the aims of me being on this journey. Even though I get bonus points I'd prefer to go to a nice restaurant than just get take away, take away food makes me feel much more guilty than a nice meal at a restaurant.

Tomorrow is shopping day, I'll try to take some photos and post again tomorrow so you can see what I have bought, I hope there's good stuff out there for me to buy, will be disappointed if I go out and come home with nothing because it's all crap, wish me luck! :D

x

I'm here, sorry.

Hello lovely folks, sorry it's been a little while. I have been super busy and put blogging on the back burner to focus on that, and of course Christmas is looming and my mind has been on that as well. Have had ups and downs on the weight loss front, my last loss however was quite large, and I'm not sure whether to believe it or not as the Wii Fit batteries were low and so it may have been inaccurate but according to the Wii Fit I lost 3.6kgs last week. I honestly don't see how it's possible, I was sick (again), ate mostly poorly, did no exercise and didn't drink lots of water. So I'm assuming it was an inaccurate reading, I was just lucky or because I was sick (I slept quite a bit), will see what happens this next week.

I mentioned I have been busy, I was asked by a dear friend to bake 100 cupcakes for her son's, girlfriend's 21st birthday, which was the most cupcakes I think I've ever made, which was lots of hard work but so exciting and so much fun. She paid me for them which means I am going clothes shopping, this both excites and terrifies me. I desperately need new clothes, a lot of mine don't fit properly and don't make me feel like I look good. But I also loathe clothes shopping because all the feelings of the extremely overweight girl come flooding back. I really need someone to shop with that knows about clothes and can make me buy the right things and say "get that it looks good even though you don't think it does" or "you idiot that's too big for you, get the next size down". I'm so unsure of what will look good and will fit my new body shape. I'm also reluctant to enter some shops because I worry that the clothes won't fit and I will leave feeling shameful and embarrassed. I'm still not comfortable in my own body, unless I look in the mirror I often still see the old me. But I am lucky because I have changed and there's a lot more out there for me so I'm trying to be more excited. Shopping befor was so soul destroying, there's not much out there for large women on a budget. It's like clothing designers don't give a crap about plus sized ladies and that totally blows. No matter your size you should still be able to find clothes that make you feel good about yourself whether you love your body or not. You shouldn't just be lumped with hideous, outrageous, garish, clingy, polyester garbage that no one actually wants to wear, but have no choice but to wear it because there is nothing else. Someone needs to look at this because it's completely unfair and kind of disrespectful.

So on Saturday I'll be taking my mum and heading for the shops. I feel a little bit guilty spending so much money on myself, but I can't very well go about naked can I? So I just need to DO IT! It will feel nice to have a bit of a treat though and feel good about myself.

Well I'll leave it there and hope to check back in on Friday. I have a dr's appointment on Friday to address my tiredness issues and hope it'st just a matter of low iron and my last blood test showed low Vitamin D too (no wonder with our ridiculously long, cold, dreary winter), so hopefully it's still those matters and I can get on top of those. Wish me luck for shopping, will show you some pics of my purchases.

I'd just like to add a reminder that this is my blog, it's about me and my feelings and thoughts. I write it for me and anyone that is interested in what's going on with me and my weight loss etc :D

Thanks for reading xx

Good news and noxious people

So the good news is I lost 800g, so yay! That takes me down to 94kgs and having lost 31kgs, so that's a big plus. However this brings me to noxious people. A noxious person posted on my previous blog post (I have removed their comments but you can probably gauge the things they said from other comments), this person claims to be my "friend" and all I know about them is that they follow me on Twitter and are unwilling to reveal who they actually are. If they are indeed a friend of mine then they are the reason I wrote that post. Clearly I was right and don't know who my friends are, and now I am suspicious of the people I think are my friends because I don't know who this person is.

I'm not a selfish person, and don't often think of myself, when I wrote that post I was feeling a bit down. I don't feel down very often, and to be honest I keep a lot of things to myself and I think it's sad that when I am feeling down and I say that I am that apparently not all of my friends are there for me. As far as my number of tweets goes, yes I have a lot, I talk to a lot of people. If people tweet me, I respond, I'm not rude and I know how I feel when some of my tweets are left hanging in the breeze so I always try to respond if I have time although sometimes I do forget and they get lost in my feed. I also have indepth conversations with people, particularly if they are feeling down, knowing that someone is there to talk to when you're not in a good place is a good thing. My children aren't neglected, my house is pretty tidy and I tweet inbetween cooking, cleaning, baking, whilst I'm waiting for school pick up and in the evenings when the kids are in bed. My kids are small but they're independant and I am there for whatever they need.

I don't NEED people to respond to my blog posts, but it's nice if they do, this blog is for me and my thoughts and feelings and I really shouldn't have to justify myself to anyone, I'm not doing anything offensive or illegal and I don't need help, I just need friends to be my friends when I need them and when they need me and in the middle have fun and a laugh.

If the noxious person is reading this please remove yourself from my life or let me remove you for myself, you're not someone I need in my life I'm done with noxious people.

The meh feeling

Is still kind of with me, which has led to me feeling self doubt and back to the feeling that I'm just a blip on the radar of life. I guess this is coming as it's almost the end of the year and next year my babies are off to kinder which means the year after they are off to school which will leave me........???? I was hoping to start my own business from home selling baked goods over the internet and maybe at markets but upon getting the information it seems as though as it is going to be impossible as I just don't have the facilities or the space to be able to do it, and unless someone is going to buy me a shop or I win tattslotto (I might have to start buying tickets) my dream of selling my baked goods may never be a reality. Which means I'm back to feeling like this, and feeling like this makes me self doubt a whole bunch of things, like whether my friends that I call my friends are really my friends or do they just pity me? Past hurts contribute to this too and I feel very insecure and worry about doing something that might lose me friends, or I worry that maybe I might call them my friend but maybe they don't call me their friend but I've not done anything wrong so they let me just hang on but secretly hope I bugger off. A lot of the people I know are super smart or really creative and I wonder what exactly I have to offer them?

I know this is all probably a bunch of bull but it's how I'm feeling and as I said feeling like this brings back past hurts from friends AND family who have just dumped me even though I appear to have done nothing wrong, or have I and they just haven't said so? I'm sure if you're reading this you're rolling your eyes, I'm rolling my own eyes because it sounds stupid. But these are things that make me sad, like seeing people talk about their best friend and how great their best friend is and how they talk to their best friend for hours etc. I don't have that, no one has attached that title to me and I don't have anyone to attach that title to, which makes me wonder what is wrong with me that no one has.

This post is hard for me to write and probably idiotic but it keeps going around in my head and I feel I need to get it out. I know it's not my normal kind of post, but if I can get it out of my head perhaps I'll find some clairty with all of this.

Perhaps it's me pulling away from people, not them pulling away from me? Because I've been hurt I keep people at arms length? Not letting them in because I'm tired of being hurt by people? I also don't want to bother peole so sometimes I hold back, but maybe they feel the same way so they hold back from me too? I don't truly know, perhaps I should ponder this? Or perhaps I should just tell myself to stop being an idiot. I don't know what my future holds, I don't know what I will do with myself once all the kids are at school, I wish I could see into the future, then I could put my worries to rest, but I guess I'll just have to wait.

Does anyone else get these feelings or am I just a big stupid weirdo?