Good news!

I'm back and I bring good news about my back. After my last visit to the Chiropractor I was basically in the same amount of pain I was when I first walked in there, which is NOT a good thing seeing as I had been lots of times and had to pay $60 for about 5 mins of "treatment". So I decided to go and see a lovely man who is housemates with a friend of mine and is a masseur and OMG BEST DECISION EVER. I am seriously considering becoming a man and marrying him because he made my back SOOOOOOOOO much better and it has been that way for weeks now. The Chiro made it feel better sometimes but it was never as long lasting as this. I am bend down, roll over in bed, put the girls seat belts on etc, all WITHOUT gasping in pain. I still get a little bit of pain, but I'm hoping that will ease with more massages, I've only had one so far which is amazing and I can't wait until I have more. I even got on the treadmill which I haven't been able to do for sooooooooo long. So this has me excited and will hopefully help me to get back on track in the not too distant future.

For now here is the most current picture of me that I took today :D

Hoping to have more good news next time :D

*sigh*

Hello Folks,

It's been a while huh? Sorry about that. I have come to the conclusion that I am stuck in a rut and am unsure about what to do about it. I am the Queen of indecisiveness (which I know drives my husband insane), and I do get myself into a pickle with not knowing what to do with myself. I am so not where I want to be and I just don't know how to get myself there. My back still hurts which doesn't help, but I have just been given exercises to start doing which does make me feel a bit better about things, not being able to exercise at all hasn't helped where I am. I decided against doing Weight Watchers again (see indecisive) because I felt too guilty about spending the money on myself (this is what I do) especially seeing as I really do know what to do, I just have to make myself do it. I'm struggling to find my motivation, especially the motivation to walk, walking is soooooooo boring, bring on the warmer weather when I can take the kids out walking and to the playground.

So here I sit, not knowing how much I weigh because I'm too scared to get on the scales to see how much I actually weigh (I don't think I have put on a lot, but I doubt I have lost any) and in a pickle about what to do and how to get my motivation back and how to get my back to stop hurting (I'm pretty sure I just have to keep going to my chiro) and get myself to where I want to be. I'm so frustrated I can't even begin to tell you how much and also disappointed, so very disappointed, if only I could just wave a magic wand *sigh*

So hopefully I will figure all of this stuff out and can get myself to my goal. Am looking forward to warmer weather because warmer weather means salads and I do love a good salad, and don't you dare say " You don't make friends with salad" or else I will come over there and beat you with a big stick.

Here I am again

I'm back, sorry, sorry, sorry. My how things have happened, I finally got my back seen to because I was in lots of pain all the time so I thought I should do something about it. Anyway I found out I have not one but two bulging discs in my back :( so it was no wonder really. My dr referred me to a Chiropractor which I have been seeing for a couple of weeks now, and oh my I love her so. It's feeling much better, although not at the moment because I was naughty and cleaned the shower and vacuumed the floor the other day, but things need to be done, but still, I shouldn't have because I hurt myself :( so, lesson learnt. Unfortunately with my back like this it means no running :( and no other form of exercise apart from walking :( So with this in mind I have decided that I will join Weight Watchers again, for a tighter reign on my eating seeing as I can't do any vigorous exercise to burn calories. I've put on a couple of kgs which I'm fine with seeing as I can't exercise as I want/need to and have been lazy with my eating, hence re-joining WW. I've also been sick with quite a terrible cold and have therefore been taking it more easy than usual, so I'm hoping that will sod off soon so I can start feeling better. We are off on holiday soon, to Sydney for a bit over a week and 3 days in QLD (I'm hoping it will be nice and sunny so I can defrost, catch some sun, thus making me feel better).

I'd like to now address an issue that quite upset me. Someone commented on one of my blog posts (I removed it) saying that I was "incredibly ugly", fair enough that people don't find me attractive, not everyone has the same taste, but to actually tell me was unwarranted and very nasty. I'm not a model and I'm not asking for critique, you're entitled to your opinion of course but please consider people's feelings before posting such comments, clearly this person did not, and I doubt that they were someone that loves and supports me and my journey, so poo to them.

So this is where I am at, not where I want to be of course but I'll have to lump it until I am able to move forward. If you read this, thank you for reading :D

My Purpose.....

what is it? I've been pondering this on and off and this is an on time and I still haven't got the answer. A lot of people I know do wonderful things, exciting things, important things, interesting things, and then there's me, who doesn't really do anything. I sometimes feel like I'm just a blob, just a blip in the world. I know I'm a daughter, a wife, a mother and a friend and those are important things but should I be more than that? And what makes these wonderful, exciting, important and interesting (and really smart) people want to be my friends?

I guess I'm feeling in limbo, there's not much I can do with 2 little ones still at home, but I'm feeling a little stuck. Same with my weight loss, that's in limbo too, I keep getting sick and working out and being sick don't really go well together unfortunately. I know I'll get back into it but I hate feeling helpless and being idle. I'm trying, but I can try much harder, which I will try to do once I'm better.

Gah! I don't know why I'm making this post, I guess it's better out than in, to help me get some clarity? I just feel at such a stand still, not going forward, not going backward, just still. I have grand plans for my future but will they always just be grand plans? I have no idea how to really do anything, I can be me, that's it, but I don't think I'll ever be satisfied just being me, I feel like it's not enough. But I'm worried that if I do try and put my grand plans into action that I'll fail at them and be back where I am now, and I don't know which would be worse, trying and failing or never trying at all. And what if I can never afford to do what I want to do, what then?

Blah, I guess I'll ponder some more and see what I can come up with. If I figure it out, I'll let you know. If you've read this, thank you, you need not respond, I think this is more a post for me than it is for you :-D

Time for some photos

Hi All

You want to see photos right? Because I'm going to put some, so I hope you do.

Before hair

After hair

Comparison June 2010/March 2012

New Clothes

Wearing the beanie

Ok, so there you have them, and I'm glad to see that seeing as I haven't been working as hard as I was going to that I haven't stacked on the weight, only a little bit, but still I know I have to work harder. I have come to realise now that I have started this journey, this will just be a way of life, sometimes I'll work harder at all of this sometimes I won't. Sometimes I'll gain weight, sometimes I'll lost it, sometimes I'll stay the same. It's just my way of life now, sometimes it's easier, sometimes it's not, but that's just life in a nut shell isn't it?

Such a bad blogger

*Peeks head in* Hi Folks, I know, I know, I was going to try and blog more, but I seem to have blogged LESS :( Sorry about that. Sometimes life just gets in the way. And I'll be honest with you, the person that commented saying that my blog appeared to be a pro anorexic blog really hit me for a six. There's no way I am pro anorexic, my blog is simply about me and my journey and I have no plans to be anorexic and nor would I recommend being anorexic to anyone. I'm also not telling anyone that they need to or have to lose weight, if you want or need to then that's your decision and up to you. If my journey can help you and inspire you then that's awesome but weight loss is such a personal journey and a decision one must make for themselves, if your head isn't in the game and you're not in the right place then there's no point in beginning the journey. I reached that point and decided enough was enough.

Aaaaannnnnyway. Moving, things have been super busy with lots of birthday's in February and I'll admit I have gained back a few kgs which I have hopefully started losing since the beginning of March. I've been eating pretty well and now that I'm well (at the end of all the birthdays I got sick from being so busy) I have been exercising. I was going to begin the C25K again, but I was scared of failure, getting busy or getting sick and not being able to finish AGAIN. So I made up my mind to do it on my own steam (yes, this is becoming a habit) and I'm currently running 1km and trying to beat my time each time, and so far I have improved. I started running it at 9 mins, got it down to 8 mins 40 secs and just today beat that again and did it in 8 mins 25 secs. My aim is to build up 1km at a time eventually getting to 5km. I've also been doing situps, tricep dips and a few push ups. Still need to get heavier weights, but am also considering kettle bells. I've also ordered a work out DVD and am looking forward to getting that. I've also tried to mix things up a bit and sometimes pull out the Wii Fit and do some cardio workouts on that.

I've been watching what I've been eating as I said, but if I've had something a little bit naughty I have tried to balance it out. However yesterday we went out and I just let go, it was nice to not think about it for a day. I'll also do that on my birthday on the weekend and then I'll be back into it. I'd prefer to do that on the odd occasion and try to eat mostly healthy all the rest of the time.

So that's where I am currently at, I've set my bar really high of being at goal by Christmas, I don't think it will take me that long, but just in case it can't hurt to have it that far away :D

Will TRY not to be so naughty with my blogging, note I said TRY ;)

Game On

So the game has begun, I ate really well yesterday (Monday), I didn't have focussed exercise but I did a fair bit of walking, so I'm happy with that. Yesterday for breakfast I had a piece of wholemeal toast with a poached egg, and on the side some baby spinach, a piece of bacon and some avocado. There was no need for lunch, I was so full from breakfast, but in the afternoon I had a handful of the snack mix I made the other day. For dinner I had a big yummy salad:

In my salad was baby spinach leaves, red capsicum, mini roma tomatoes, cucumber, beetroot and a pulled apart moroccan lamb patty. I would have used no fat greek yoghurt but I didn't have any so I used some weight watchers sour cream, watered it down to make it more of a pouring consistency (I didn't want to add calories by using milk) and added in some moroccan seasoning. It was DELICIOUS. I love, love, love salads, they are so very versatile which is so awesome.

Today (Tuesday) I had a bowl of Sanitarium Light 'n' Tasty, Macadamia and Honey, this cereal is my absolute favourite, so yummy and a piece of toast with vegemite. For lunch I decided to make a dipping plate:

I made some beetroot dip:

Beetroot Dip 

Women's Weekly, Super Light Cooking Book

Makes 2 1/2 cups

Nutritional count per tbsp

Total fat 0.8g

Calories 18

Carbs 1.9

Protein 0.5

Fibre 0.6

Blend or process 850g can of drained beetroot, 1 quartered garlic cove, 1/4 cup sour cream, 1 tbsp tahini and 1 tbsp lemon juice until smooth.

Super easy and it was soooooooo yummy.

On Sunday night, yes I'm back tracking days, sorry. I wanted something really light for dinner, looked in the cupboard and found I still had some rice paper, so I made some delicious rice paper rolls:

Once you have the rice paper, you can pretty much put whatever you like in them, I put chicken, cucumber, carrot, beetroot and avocado in mine, and it was awesome, I wanted to make more and just keep eating them. They're a little bit fiddly but SOOOOOOO worth it. Here's a base recipe for you: http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/25427/coconut+chicken+rice+paper+rolls but you can honestly change it and put whatever you like.

Back to today (Tuesday) I have sausages out and I'm thinking I will BBQ them (if I can be bothered) and I think I'll make a sweet potato salad, a herbed mushroom salad and probably a green salad to have with it.

I've gotten some exercise in today, and burned 282 calories, not great, but it's a start, I've got some fitness to build up again. I did 2 YouTube workouts, look up Spark People and POP Pilates and also did 5 minutes of running on the treadmill.

Water is going well and I'm into my second litre today and I just had an afternoon snack of a banana and some of my snack mix. So, so far so good.