*sigh*

Yes, here I am again, I thought it about time I wrote on here again but I'm sad to say that I have lost my way a little bit :-( I know I've put weight on, much more than I would like I am guessing, I am too scared to go anywhere near some scales. I'm so disappointed in myself and I'm starting to hate myself again and this is not good. It's so easy to lose your way and I hate this fact. So here we are in 2014 and this is going to be my year, well I'm going to try really, really hard anyway. I'm on a mission to make this a great year for me and my family and I've put the wheels into motion to overhaul our lives for the good. I'm overhauling everyone's eating, the kids will have healthy and yummy lunchboxes and I will be eating less and healthier and moving more and drinking more water. I refuse to cut out everything completely because I still believe in "everything in moderation", life is meant to be lived and you cannot truly live if you worry about eating a piece of cake or having the sneaky take away meal for dinner. I know that I don't want us to live like this, this is my opinion and what you do or think is yours, I have no judgement on what you do.

I'm have also decided that I will be good to myself and look after myself and every so often I am going to take time out for myself and do things that I would like to do, I have been a full time stay at home mum for 8 years now and I think I deserve to do things like this. I am also going to beautify our home which will also make me feel better as we deserve to have nice things and enjoy our home. I think I have had a big epiphany and I'm going to work damn hard to make it all happen.

I have not given up my goal on getting myself to a weight where I feel happy about myself, remember this is my journey and how I feel about me and I am passing no judgement on anyone else but myself. I'm hoping to get there by the beginning of next year but I am setting no firm goals because I have totally let myself down on many occasion. With all my kids at school this year I will have plenty of more time to look after myself, make sure I eat properly and have the time to exercise without an audience and being asked to pour milk or break up a fight whilst I'm in the middle of my workout.

So come at me 2014, I am READY!!!!!

I have something to say....

This post has been moved to: http://whatbechastosay.blogspot.com.au/

Sad

A different kind of post today because if I don't I might spontaneously combust. I'm feeling quite low right now, it's hard to be the one that's up all the time you know? The holidays were long, hard and exhausting and I'm at the end of my rope. I'm tired of kids fighting, I'm tired of the girls hurting one another, I'm sick of hearing "muuuuuum", I'm sick of dealing with kids fighting/wanting me to open food/pour drinks/tell them they look good in their clothes whilst I'm in the shower/toilet, I'm tired of picking up everyone's shit, I'm tired of housework, I'm tired of days blurring into one another, I'm tired of not knowing where my life is going, I'm tired of feeling inadequate, I'm tired of worrying that my husband might leave me because of my inadequacy, I'm tired of worrying about losing friends because I'm not good enough to be their friend, I'm tired of feeling like I shouldn't like things because someone has a problem with those things, I'm tired of thinking things won't change, I'm tired of my brain telling me these stupid things to be tired of, I'm tired of feeling stagnate I'm just TIRED.

And I worry about writing this post and posting it because I don't want to bring others down and make them sad, but sometimes I have to let it out. And I hope by writing this post and getting it out that it will help me feel better.

And I'm not writing this for sympathy, or for you to judge me, or so you'll tell me how great I am or whatever nasty people will conjure up in their stupid heads, I'm writing this because I NEED to and this is MY blog.

I'm also sick of nasty people and their crap, and I will never understand their need to be nasty.

 And in closing:

I like One Direction and would like to be BFFs with them because they look like they have lots of fun.

I like the song Blurred Lines

Ryan Gosling isn't good looking

Anchovies are gross

Cheese Twisties are the best

I don't like Subway

You don't have to comment and my feeling will pass xx

Why hello there :-)

Hello there dear readers, if you're still there :-D I've been plodding along, still, yes I know, I plod a lot, but that's better than giving up all together right? RIGHT?? So I'm still going, I am in a healthy eating phase right now, and am losing winter weight (I assume, I haven't weighed in) thanks to lots of yummy salads and trying to drink lots of water, but still having regular things in moderation, I will never give up that because I think that's the way to go.

Exercise has been on an off, mostly off lately due to having cracked ribs, which I can tell you hurts A LOT, never been in so much pain before, not even when they cut me open to take the twins out. But I am on the mend now and will be getting back into that again shortly, slowly at first of course.

Am so looking forward to the warmer weather, it means more salads and lots of fresh yummy summer fruits, HELLO MANGO!!

So as you can see I am still here, I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth and I am still plodding along.

Noticed some old photos the other day and how much my face has changed since I first started, this and looking at the starting picture and all the support I have is what keeps me going, so here's a few pictures to show you:

Oh man, those cheeks, I'll always have the cheeks, have had them ever since I was born, but there's definite change of course. I'll keep on keeping on, it's not in my nature to give up :-D

Until next time xx

Selfies

Hello lovely readers, long time between posts I know, I really am terrible at this aren't I? Yes, I know, shut up. Anyway I am here now and I am here to talk about selfies. A lovely friend of mine Mrs Woog, wrote a blog post because she had posted a picture of herself which apparently cause someone to send her an email calling her "narcissistic" and saying "love yourself much", in which her response should've been "why yes I do because I rock" but anyway this lead me to think about selfies. Now I am a selfie whore, I love a good selfie and if you follow me on twitter or are my friend on Facebook you would be well aware of this. Someone asked me once why I took lots of photos of myself and my response was simple "I spent all up 20 years hating myself and avoiding having photos taken, now I'm happy with how I look I'm making up for lost time". I think this is fair, I mean I felt so terrible about myself there aren't many photos of myself with my children when they were babies and this is really sad when you think about it.

I will never understand people bringing others down, especially when they don't deserve it. All Mrs Woog did was post a picture of herself, it was offensive, it wasn't mean, it was a SELF picture, yet this person felt the need to bring her down. Well I say, post your selfies and be proud. If you love the way you look and you want others to see you then why not? The internet is a big place for everyone, if you're happy to share your photos then share your photos. Once upon a time I would never, ever have let anyone see my picture, I would never have taken my own picture, but now I'm a very proud photo taker and poser.

So, I emplore you, post your selfies and post them proudly. I want to see your selfies, whether it's because you think you look hot, you want to be silly, you want to practice your duck face, you want to embrace all the tired parents out there and show them you are not alone, post them, post them all, post them on twitter with the #selfiewhore and if you wish tag me in the post @becpobjie I want to see you in your selfie glory, you don't have to follow me, just show me your selfie, if you do follow me, pardon the swears ;)

Be proud of your selfies, here are some of mine:

COME FORTH AND UNITE SELFIE WHORES

Such a bad blogger

*Slinks back in*, well hello, hello??? Is anyone still out there reading? I know, I know, I am a terrible blogger. If you're still interested to read I am still plodding along, I've been naughty and not weighed in the last couple or weeks, again, I know, I know. But I HAVE been exercising, but this has been on and off, yes ok, shut up I KNOW! But you know bad stuff happens and it makes you feel like crap and you don't feel like doing anything like that.

But I always set out with the best intentions and I keep trying and that's the main thing right? RIGHT???? So anyway, when I kicked off my exercising again I had an epiphany on the treadmill, which may not be the right place to have a epiphany because you kind of have to be on the ball when you're on the treadmill, but I'm a rebel and I had one anyway. So my epiphany was: I am in charge of me, no one is running my show and I should do what I feel like. No one is making me exercise, I am my own (terrible) personal trainer. I don't have to set anything in stone, I don't have to have a set regime, I need to do what suits me on the day with the free time that I have. GENIUS! This made me feel so much better about exercising.

So now that I have figured that out, now I have to figure out how to get myself to drink all the water I should be drinking every day. Why is drinking water so hard?? It shouldn't be right? I'm terrible at keeping hydrated and I need to get better with that, maybe I should go to the pool in the hopes I'll have en epiphany about it if I'm submerged in water?, seeing as I had my exercise epiphany on the treadmill.

Have been thinking I should maybe set a goal weight goal again? I'm not sure. Maybe by my birthday next year? This is ample time really? Might help me pull my finger out? I wish someone would offer me a million dollars or something to sweeten the deal a little bit, anyone got a million dollars?

Anyway, I haven't given up hope, I'm still plodding along :D and I always have my before picture to keep me motivated ;)

Comparison Shots

Here are some comparison shots for you, 124kgs and now...